A head ahead

Victor had a strange disease. A disease beyond comprehension, diagnosis or cure. Every time Victor was praised or met with success, his head absorbed air from the atmosphere around and physically grew larger. You could think of it as what happened with Pinocchio's nose, when he lied - except that in Victor's case, the growth was permanent and did not recede. The doctors termed his illness as "aero-affinity".

Initially, it was pretty alright, since Victor had been born with a really tiny head. Much, much smaller than what the "normal" people around him had. This gave rise to the theory that Victor's aero-affinity was self willed. A metaphysical byproduct of his poor sense of self, that was created by the competitive world he had been shoved into by his labouring mother. Apart from academic purposes, this theory had scant value - since it could neither solve the problem or be applied to other people. (Of course, it did help sell a number of books and make some shrinks really famous!)

Within time, Victor's head grew so wide that he had to stop wearing caps, hoods and dark-glasses. In fact, even the barber took thrice the charges from him. More head meant much more hair. He had to wear a specially designed collar to prop up his skull, since his neck would have snapped at the enormous burden. But, Victor was really satisfied with himself and how far ahead his head had come and strived to grow it such that it went down in history as the biggest head of all time. Ahead! Ahead! he would chant to himself every morning.

Victor was so proud of his aero-affinity, that he had actually created a showcase with pictures of the various stages of growth. Beneath each picture, there was a little note which described the event that had catalyzed the width. "Got a car bigger than the Jones' - head grew by 10 cc", "Married in pomp - head grew by 200cc", "Got job in coveted MNC that sells guns, launders blood money and enslaves children in Africa", "Sent child to swish school that teaches exotic foreign languages and bans education in mother tongue" - etc. etc. 

After a few years, Victor's head grew so wide that it could not enter the narrow doors of his childhood friends. To make up, he called them over to his home with sprawling arches, instead of doorways. Yet, those friends stopped coming for they could not bear to see his showcase for the zillionth time, as also dare to cast a look at Victor's self willed deformity. 

To make up for the void, Victor made new buddies. Friends who would "Like" anything he did and gave him tons of "Thumbs Up" signals (or "V" signs) all the time. These newfound pals also were blessed enough to have Golden Archways to their homes and really wide doors. Victor got himself into competition all over again and toiled to grow his head wider than those new doors.

His medical condition had a few side effects. As his head grew, the air inside pressed against his tympanum and affected his hearing. Surely enough, he soon became as deaf as a doorpost. His eyes began to bulge such that he could rarely sleep. He was always wearing a smile that looked plastic. He could not turn around at all and his collar had to be made of rare metals such as gold and platinum, so that they were strong enough to hold his head up. 

As with any person that starts growing big, Victor attracted envy and jealousy. He had unknowingly developed a lot of enemies, who wanted nothing more than to have such clearly visible sign of success. They were keen to cut Victor's head down to size, so that they felt less intimidated in his presence. When one of them flashed a bulb and hit upon a plan. "There had to be a limit to which a person's head can grown. Beyond a point, the bone and muscle would not hold!" Eureka moment passed, they hatched the plot.

They employed a group of sycophants and "Yes women" to be around Victor all the time. They would falsely praise him for anything and everything under the sun. If it rained in the monsoon prone areas, it was because of Victor's will-power. If a bird dropped faeces, it was atributed to Victor's vast gardens. Some went so far as to suggest that the Earth turned because of the size of Victor's head. Since he was totally deaf, he would get flattered by their expressions and worship - and his head grew faster than ever. A few of his friends from old, saw through this ploy and tried to warn him. Since his ears were pure rudimentary Victor heard nothing, so he dismissed their tears and forlorn expressions as jealousy and banished them from his presence.

Smiling, his enemies continued to heap further praise on him. Tons and tons of it! "Nice watch!" they would point! "Great this and that!" they would show. Till, as that einstein's equation had predicted, his head could take it no more - and it exploded. Victor tried to hold it back by pressing his hands against it - but it was too late. The explosion was thunderous, because the air, trapped within his head for years on end, escaped with a humongous sigh of relief. 

As Victor's headless body plonked onto the gleaming marble floor, a tiny little pea-sized brain popped out from the bloody mess. To celebrate, Victor's detractors ate pea-soup for dinner. His friends mourned and ate pumpkin-pie.

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