Aamir Khan & Karan Johar announce BHAJINI. A film NOT "loosely based" on Inception.
PROLOGUE: Tomorrow. Pally Hill, Vandrem, Mombay.
After a spate of linear tragedies, which include "I still see a dead Peepal" (to be confused with Peepli Live), then taken to the dry cleaners during his second marital rao over a Dhobhi-Ghaat, and finally, upstaged in terms of "highest ever" by his arch-nemesis, through Ra.1 (where the "Ra" is spelt with the brand new logo of the RUPEE) - our perfectionist protagonist is saddled by gloom. Surely, we've sauntered into someones nightmare (or shared dream, if you prefer).
"I need to rise 'above' this", he mutters to himself. Reena chuckles and does the fox trot (or was it the Mamba) she did in her QSQT's brief "Papa Kehtein The" screen appearance.
"Remember, remember? The fifth of November? When you asked me to marry you?" she jives. "You said we would grow bald together! You liar!!!!! all you really wanted was a.... was a..... Kiran of hope!". She leaps to death off Pali Hill, into Freida's nail polishing salon. Their two faceless offsprings play on in the grass... Our protagonist covers his eyes and looks away.
The settlement of gloom hangs over the air like a dark cloud that the Dil does not Maanta -hair.
"I dare not look at their faces!!!!" This hero screams.
"Then look at mine!!!" His bespectacled, second wife suggests. Our protagonist freaks out and screams.... Louder. (Not to be confused with "LAUDA").
Off cue, having not heeded our phonetic disclaimer, (and, in fact, quite attracted by the whole sound of the proceedings), Karan Johar enters the scene on a pink unicorn, sipping Koffee (A Nun)..... To claim her.
"Aamir!"
"Aamir!'
he hails.
"Look, Ghajini!
Mon Ami!!!
Et-2 Pack, 8 pack.... (pack-up Shakur)!
I've got 528-491!
Look at mine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm your M. Dark Knight in Shyamalam armouram...!
And i bring to you an INCEPTION. "
The confounding, confusion of the conundrum of it all, gets to our 12 packed impostor.
"It can't be done, K-k-k-k-kiran!" Aamir stutters.
(Karan slaps him on both cheeks for the losing the spelling bee contest, and sulks.)
"Yes, it cannes!" say the two faceless siblings. Anusha and Rizvi. To cheer up dismal proceedings that deserve En Certain Regard).
"Yes, it Khan!" retards the other sur-namesake. "It was my name in the "second highest grossing ever film ever"! I vouch."
"Ouch!" goes Tom Langdon, as he hanks about. Like his pet dog, Hooch. (To think that they'd shared the same red-carpet across festivals.... The shudder settled in.)
"My name is Gump, Forrest Gump. And i'm as stupid as stupid does." He takes another step on the carpet to meet his Angels and Demons...
"And i can run!'...
He yells and takes off....
Just then, a chicken runs ascorsesee the road.
"I vouch!" it clucks.
"Who are you?" aamir 'akses', like the yellow blossoms of an RDB. (Rakeysh makes his 6th friendly appearance in Delhi).
"I'm...... I'm........... I'm................ I'm!!!!
I'm MURGA-DOSS! also know as Mr. Charles"
(Surreal, gravity defying, illuminating sequence unfolds: ..... All four sing a Bhajan and hug each others knees! - the dance invented by this quartet has ever since been knows as the "BHAJ-a-KNEE" - As the Murga does in its dreams. Murga dosses on boastfully... "I'm Karan's yashasvi (successful) father - who originally incepted the brazen idea of unofficially plagiarizing Chris Nolan's films by idiot-proofing, "short-term memory-lossing", dumbifying, Aasinising, juxtaposing, localizing, song-infesting and recasting good actors - such as Christian Bale and Leonardo DiCaprio - with perfectionists method actors such as you!... Aamir")
A flash of recognition rekindles....
Aamir gives the first and only and ever genuine expression he could muster in his fifty-two year old "acting" career.
That of turning his own arse-hole towards the camera, dropping his pants down and saluting...!
"Tussi great whore!!!!!!!..... But!!! Where did this all begin?"
Karan, Kiran, wave for attention from the mirror of naked butts and arse-holes.
The chicken double-crosses the road...
"When the guy who did not plant the idea of palming off a MEMENTO as a gore-fest; did not steal from the guy; who did not pay for the trainer; that did not give you the 8 packs!"
Aamir clasps his totem with trepidation...
It totters a little more than it should in a dream.... Like a Kite being flown by three left thumbs and a barb-her-aah!!!
Reena's slap echoes. Kiran, Karan's, wave at his exposure threaten...
Aamir looks at his podgy little beer belly and questions his alcohol!
"8 packs? Me?????? eh! sallu... stop bullying me at Stanislaus, huh? Mine is finally bigger than yours!"
Kiran and Karan faint, salivating... Unicorn, dhobees, et al....
Karan regains consciousness first. And wakes up the dhobees, the taaras on the zameens, the chickens, eggs, (not necessarily in that order), the raakhs, the peeplees - Live. And for the first time sees the faces of the children spawned by his unholy union with the not so rich, aamir....
The pink unicorn sleepily neighs...
"I'm just a COBOL in the wheel"
"Welcome home, Mr. COB!" the immigration officer says as he points towards the Star and its black-bucks. (Sallu partially wakes up, but goes back to sleep to see that he's lost ash to abhi-shake-like-a-twig. The Kat to a dog etc...)
Aamir sets the totem into spin...
And the words of the "Bhajanee" start to set in....
After a spate of linear tragedies...
After a spate of linear tragedies, which include "I still see a dead Peepal" (to be confused with Peepli Live), then taken to the dry cleaners during his second marital rao over a Dhobhi-Ghaat, and finally, upstaged in terms of "highest ever" by his arch-nemesis, through Ra.1 (where the "Ra" is spelt with the brand new logo of the RUPEE) - our perfectionist protagonist is saddled by gloom. Surely, we've sauntered into someones nightmare (or shared dream, if you prefer).
"I need to rise 'above' this", he mutters to himself. Reena chuckles and does the fox trot (or was it the Mamba) she did in her QSQT's brief "Papa Kehtein The" screen appearance.
"Remember, remember? The fifth of November? When you asked me to marry you?" she jives. "You said we would grow bald together! You liar!!!!! all you really wanted was a.... was a..... Kiran of hope!". She leaps to death off Pali Hill, into Freida's nail polishing salon. Their two faceless offsprings play on in the grass... Our protagonist covers his eyes and looks away.
The settlement of gloom hangs over the air like a dark cloud that the Dil does not Maanta -hair.
"I dare not look at their faces!!!!" This hero screams.
"Then look at mine!!!" His bespectacled, second wife suggests. Our protagonist freaks out and screams.... Louder. (Not to be confused with "LAUDA").
Off cue, having not heeded our phonetic disclaimer, (and, in fact, quite attracted by the whole sound of the proceedings), Karan Johar enters the scene on a pink unicorn, sipping Koffee (A Nun)..... To claim her.
"Aamir!"
"Aamir!'
he hails.
"Look, Ghajini!
Mon Ami!!!
Et-2 Pack, 8 pack.... (pack-up Shakur)!
I've got 528-491!
Look at mine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm your M. Dark Knight in Shyamalam armouram...!
And i bring to you an INCEPTION. "
The confounding, confusion of the conundrum of it all, gets to our 12 packed impostor.
"It can't be done, K-k-k-k-kiran!" Aamir stutters.
(Karan slaps him on both cheeks for the losing the spelling bee contest, and sulks.)
"Yes, it cannes!" say the two faceless siblings. Anusha and Rizvi. To cheer up dismal proceedings that deserve En Certain Regard).
"Yes, it Khan!" retards the other sur-namesake. "It was my name in the "second highest grossing ever film ever"! I vouch."
"Ouch!" goes Tom Langdon, as he hanks about. Like his pet dog, Hooch. (To think that they'd shared the same red-carpet across festivals.... The shudder settled in.)
"My name is Gump, Forrest Gump. And i'm as stupid as stupid does." He takes another step on the carpet to meet his Angels and Demons...
"And i can run!'...
He yells and takes off....
Just then, a chicken runs ascorsesee the road.
"I vouch!" it clucks.
"Who are you?" aamir 'akses', like the yellow blossoms of an RDB. (Rakeysh makes his 6th friendly appearance in Delhi).
"I'm...... I'm........... I'm................ I'm!!!!
I'm MURGA-DOSS! also know as Mr. Charles"
(Surreal, gravity defying, illuminating sequence unfolds: ..... All four sing a Bhajan and hug each others knees! - the dance invented by this quartet has ever since been knows as the "BHAJ-a-KNEE" - As the Murga does in its dreams. Murga dosses on boastfully... "I'm Karan's yashasvi (successful) father - who originally incepted the brazen idea of unofficially plagiarizing Chris Nolan's films by idiot-proofing, "short-term memory-lossing", dumbifying, Aasinising, juxtaposing, localizing, song-infesting and recasting good actors - such as Christian Bale and Leonardo DiCaprio - with perfectionists method actors such as you!... Aamir")
A flash of recognition rekindles....
Aamir gives the first and only and ever genuine expression he could muster in his fifty-two year old "acting" career.
That of turning his own arse-hole towards the camera, dropping his pants down and saluting...!
"Tussi great whore!!!!!!!..... But!!! Where did this all begin?"
Karan, Kiran, wave for attention from the mirror of naked butts and arse-holes.
The chicken double-crosses the road...
"When the guy who did not plant the idea of palming off a MEMENTO as a gore-fest; did not steal from the guy; who did not pay for the trainer; that did not give you the 8 packs!"
Aamir clasps his totem with trepidation...
It totters a little more than it should in a dream.... Like a Kite being flown by three left thumbs and a barb-her-aah!!!
Reena's slap echoes. Kiran, Karan's, wave at his exposure threaten...
Aamir looks at his podgy little beer belly and questions his alcohol!
"8 packs? Me?????? eh! sallu... stop bullying me at Stanislaus, huh? Mine is finally bigger than yours!"
Kiran and Karan faint, salivating... Unicorn, dhobees, et al....
Karan regains consciousness first. And wakes up the dhobees, the taaras on the zameens, the chickens, eggs, (not necessarily in that order), the raakhs, the peeplees - Live. And for the first time sees the faces of the children spawned by his unholy union with the not so rich, aamir....
The pink unicorn sleepily neighs...
"I'm just a COBOL in the wheel"
"Welcome home, Mr. COB!" the immigration officer says as he points towards the Star and its black-bucks. (Sallu partially wakes up, but goes back to sleep to see that he's lost ash to abhi-shake-like-a-twig. The Kat to a dog etc...)
Aamir sets the totem into spin...
And the words of the "Bhajanee" start to set in....
After a spate of linear tragedies...
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